Today I turn 26. There's not much special about the number, and in many ways there wasn't much special about the year. I have however looked back at a few things and reflected as critically as I possibly can, on my goals, my willingness to achieve them, and whether I achieved them or not. Perhaps the most important goal I had set up was to have 100,000 people using my apps... I am nowhere near, and with only 3,000 downloads, I am forced to become my worst critic.
During the last year, I realized how much I wanted to go out and do things on my own. I realized that I was willing to sacrifice a life of comfort in the hopes of doing something that was both exciting and unconventional. Truthfully, I have never been in a more comfortable stage of my life, and although attempts have been made, I have yet to achieve excitement and unconventionality. And, I think I know why I've been a failure... I have no passion for the things I work on, and therefore my interest is inversely tied to the time I spend on a given problem. I start with a high that simply cannot be replicated as time passes, and I am left with a mindset that forces me out of the problem I had set out to solve. I get worn out and I find it mundane to continue working when there is no validation of any kind. I become my own worst enemy.
But I've had enough. As of today, I'm making a pact with myself to work on things that truly excite me (e.g. design, internet technology, cars, etc.) I want to revisit my journal at 27 with at least a flicker of success, and perhaps even more importantly, a problem on which I'm willing to spend a decade.
To 27, to newer problems, to excitements, and to flickers of success.
